RULE 1: YOUR INTENTION SHOULD BE TO MAKE HER FEEL EMOTIONALLY SAFE:
This rule is fundamental to a woman feeling connected with a man. What this looks like is that you throw out all your needs, her comfort and feeling of safety has to come before your need for sex. Anytime you’re intimate with her, during foreplay and sex, keep on check in with her about what she’s feeling and what emotions she’s experiencing. Have a safe word, she may sometimes even want to stop during sex but may keep on going out of courteousness and fear that she’ll disappoint you. You want to create the space for her to share whatever she’s feeling at any given point.
RULE 2: STOP TRYING TO BE THE BEST SHE’S EVER HAD
Take your ego out of it. You don’t need to perform, instead, you just need to be present and surrender. Do not constantly ask her if she orgasmed, this puts undue pressure on them to do so. Her orgasm has often nothing to do with the quality of sex, sometimes she can have amazing sex without climaxing, and other times she can have mediocre sex and climax.
The only way to be a sex god is to stop trying to be one, and not judging how amazing or mediocre you are in bed. Instead, focus on the connection you can create together with her full participation. Amazing sex is not about your sexual ability to make her see unicorns, it’s about two people getting together and blowing each other’s mind. If you don’t experience the most amazing sexual experience yourself, odds her neither will she.
RULE 3: LONG FOREPLAY :
Don’t be in a hurry to catch the 8 train. The longer the foreplay the more comfortable both of you will feel. Take your time taking off her clothes. Get used to one another’s body and being calm in bed, bring your heart rate down, Be gentle. Breath with one another.
Porn has absolutely skewed what great sex is actually like. Amazing sex does not feel or resemble anything like porn. Whereas porn can be exciting and thrilling, it breeds a very high heart rate which kills sensuality and presence.
Keep yourself calm and not over-excited, be sure to breathe deeply and slowly. Be present, passionate, but not in a hurry to do anything, slow strokes and feel every touch.
RULE 4: MASTER THE ART OF EYE GAZING :
If ever there was a secret treasure hidden under your nose, it is this!
Spend 80-90 percent of the time during intimacy looking silently and intensely into her eyes instead of looking at her body or looking away. This is one of the most vulnerable and raw experiences two humans can ever share. If you’re doing this for the first time, you and she may find it weird and disconnecting even, but after the second or third time, you’ll get used to this deeper intimacy which will unlock unfathomable sensual pleasures.
RULE 5: PAY ATTENTION TO THE 5 SENSES:
Those who watch a lot of porn, have re-enforced themselves to be primarily aroused by sight and sound. In doing so, our other senses of touch, taste, smell, become numb and we end up with very mediocre sex lives. In order to recondition the senses, you can utilize simple practices such feeling the warmth of her body, feeling her breath on your body or tuning into her heartbeat while you hold her in stillness. Being blindfolding during sex can open up the other senses in a dramatic way.
RULE 6: MAKE LOVE TO HER LIKE SHES THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE
Fuck barriers, even if it’s a woman who you’ve just met. You do not need anyone’s permission to treat her like a queen. Just do it. Make love to her as if she’s the love of your life. Imagine if this is the last night on earth you’ll get to spend. Have an intention to make it the most epic night of your life
RULE 7: SAY NO TO EJACULATION & PORN
All sex therapist agree on one thing. Watching porn and then ejaculating will cause a wide range of impediments to your sexual performance, ranging from erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and loss of desire.
So as a lifestyle, it is recommended that if you do choose to masturbate frequently, do so without relying on porn and preferably withhold ejaculating. This builds your PC muscles, which help withhold ejaculation and also gets you more in touch with your inner body. Watch this breakthrough TED Talk on “How to Become a Sex God” and find out why they’re 2 million men on Reddit groups who are practicing this and seeing tremendous results.
RULE 8: SHARE YOUR SEXUAL INSECURITIES WITH ONE ANOTHER
If you have a problem with your body image, penis size, suffered past trauma or have insecurities of not lasting long enough then make sure to ask her for support. You need a woman’s help as much as she needs yours in feeling comfortable. If you have a history of not lasting as long, then that’s something you should share with her and ask that she work with you. Likewise, if you feel disconnected after sex, share this as well, instead of shutting down. Our insufficiencies and negative emotions are all opportunities to connect with the other person in a more vulnerable way.
RULE 9: ASK, ASK AND ASK :
Negative feedback will teach you much more than just positive feedback. After sex, once the dust settles, ask her what she liked, what made her feel most connected and more importantly what made her feel uncomfortable or disconnected. Know the uniqueness of the woman you’re with and understand her. Likewise, share with her what you liked the most during the experience and what you’d like to see her do more or less of.
RULE 10: BECOME A STUDENT OF SEX NOW:
Irrespective of where your sex life is, you can make it exponentially better. The only way to do it always keeps on learning, be curious and experiment. Read books, see sex therapists, listen to podcasts on sex.
Here are a couple of books that may change your life:
The Multi-orgasmic man— by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams
Tantric Sex for Men—Diana Richardson & Michael Richardson